


The black and white system

by Emilywemily



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/M, M/M, Mental Instability, Original Character(s), Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Read the trigger warnings please, Switching, Torture, kaneki ken has dissociative identity disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:08:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27012529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilywemily/pseuds/Emilywemily
Summary: We all know the tragic story of Kaneki ken. But what if he was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder? How much different would his life be?Tw: sexual assault mentions and violenceI do not own Tokyo ghoul or have any ties to it nor do I claim own it. This work is purely transformative.
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Nagachika Hideyoshi, Nishino Kimi/Nishio Nishiki
Comments: 7
Kudos: 38





	1. Learning a bit about ourself.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer:  
> I do not have D.I.D nor am I a medical professional. I have however done many hours of research and also acquired lots of information from other systems. If I make a mistake, please feel free to correct me. I hope this is not insensitive. I have written this to shed some light and truth on a complex, very misunderstood, very real, mental disorder and to have an opportunity to once again write about a character and series I love.
> 
> Trigger warnings:  
> Mentions and descriptions of physical ab*se (hitting, punching), emotional neglect ab*se, and general nonspecific mentions sexual ab*se (r*pe). If you are sensitive to any of these issues, please do not read this story. No words that may be censored above are censored in the story.

Kaneki’s parents happened to be the most vile and disgusting creatures ever to live. His mother knowing the sexual abuse from his father was happening ever since Kaneki turned five and doing nothing except for hitting him till he bled when he refused to let her touch him. This was probably why Kaneki Ken could never remember much of his childhood. His earliest memory was of his eleventh birthday, the second time he met his best friend Hideyoshi Nagachika, or ‘Hide’ as he was more commonly known. However, when the first comment from Hide was ‘you’re acting weird’ it left him confused for the rest of the day. As he got older he began to get a more cohesive memory and thought pattern. But he still went through his life missing huge chunks of time at random intervals. One minute he’d be talking to his teacher about a Japanese literature assignment, the next, walking to his kitchen to get a midnight snack.When he turned twelve, one of what he deemed his ‘inner voices’ told him not to go downstairs. ‘‘what?’’ He questioned, suddenly feeling very uneasy. “trust me it’s better if you don’t.” A male voice, sounding a little older than he was, warned. Shaking his head to try and ward off the dizziness that Ken was starting to feel he ignored it and marched forward. “Stop.” He demanded.

Kaneki, scared and confused, began to get tearful. “I know you’re scared but listen, if you go downstairs you’ll see something that’ll mess you up.”Kaneki began to feel dizzy, like the voice was closer. Everything began to feel dream like as his head started pounding and he couldn’t tell who he was anymore. But this was a different voice, a woman’s voice. An older woman, maybe in her late forties chimed in. “ Haruto is right Kaneki. Please sweetheart. Call the police and I’ll take it from there.” Disorientated and nauseous, Ken stumbled over to the phone closest to him. The moonlight shone bright and beautiful through the window against the pitch black sky. Night was always something Kaneki had never liked. Even though a fear of the dark was something he really should have grown out of by now. Dialing the number for the police, he once again blacked out. This time however, he “woke up” very soon after.

Wrapped up in a blanket he realized he was sitting out side next to a police woman. The woman was writing something down. “And how old are you miss?” She asked after a second. “What? I’m...im a boy.” Was his response. Confused, she repeated the question. “How old are you sweetheart?” In a shakey voice, he replied “twelve and three months.”

“Oh you poor thing, so young to lose someone. Do you have any close relatives you can stay with?” Not quiet processing what he’d just heard, he spoke up. “Sorry, what? Why can’t I stay with my mum?” The woman stared at him in bewilderment. “Sweetheart...you must be in shock. Your mother is **dead**.”

What they didn’t tell him at the time was that it was a suicide.

Things were hazy for a few months after that. Weirdly enough, he noticed sometimes he began saying things and somehow not being able to say them out loud. Like there was something blocking him from doing it. He decided at fifteen it was time to start seeing a therapist.

“Kaneki ken? I’m doctor Hina Suzuki. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” His therapist greeted with a warm smile, tucking a strand of her chocolate brown hair behind her ears and glasses frame. Shaking her hand he followed her upstairs and handed her a sheet he’d been asked to fill out. The sheet read like this:

**Over the last week have you:**

Had any thoughts of self harm? Yes

Felt like you could get help if needed? No

Felt like your problems have been to much? Yes

Been open with friends/family with your struggles? Only with friends

Missed any school/ college/ work due to time off for mental health reasons? I’m not sure

Heard voices? Just the normal amount

seen hallucinations? No

Felt suicidal in any way, shape or form? Yes

Experienced depressive episodes? occasionally

Had thoughts of hurting those around you? No

Had black out episodes? All the time

Hi a studied his answers with a frown. “Under ‘heard voices?’ You put the normal amount.” She paused for an explanation. When she didn’t get one, she pressed further.

“That...isn’t normal, Kaneki.” He looked at her blankly. “What do you mean? Everyone says they have a voice in their head? I’ve just got a few. I guess my conscious is just talkative.” He joked. And yet she wasn’t laughing. “You also said you always get black out episodes, and you’re not sure if you’ve missed college?” He nodded. “My doctors told me it’s not a medical issue. I’m perfectly healthy, physically. But I’ve always been anxious and could never remember my childhood.” The scribbling of the therapist’s pen stopped as she looked up from your clipboard. “Kaneki...these voices. Do they ever take over your body as such?” He shuffled his feet. “That’s...not normal is it?” He questioned as the sudden realization hit him. A wave of dizziness began to spread over him as he felt his chest tighten. “I’m afraid not. How far back can you remember?” He shrugged. “My eleventh birthday. Everything before then other than a few names and random faces is a big blur for me.” She jotted something down. He swallowed hard. “Doctor...am I crazy? I feel like I’m going crazy.” He said, panicked as the room started to spin. “Crazy isn’t a thing, Kaneki. But what you’re experiencing isn’t normal. I can say that with confidence. Your voices...do they have names?” He nodded. “There’s five of us I think. Haruto, Yua, kisho, me, and Grim. I think Grim only started existing three weeks back though. After my friend got injured in a ghoul attack I was so scared she’d die that they might have come into existence from stress ”

It was then and there that Suzuki arranged an appointment with a psychiatrist.

Getting a diagnosis of C-PTSD, D.I.D, anxiety and depression took an entire year, with D.I.D originally being diagnosed as schizophrenia despite Kaneki nerve witnessing any hallucinations.Now sixteen, he had been given a task to do by Hina. To communicate with his alters...

They had made a plan. It was Kisho’s idea. He was very excited to do something to help others get along. He hoped it meant he could make more friends to.

After lots of arguments and bickering they decided to call themselves the ‘black and white’ system. After counting everyone that shared the headspace the came to the conclusion there we’re actually six alters including Kaneki and not five like they had originally thought there was. Someone who didn’t front, and called themself ‘hoshi’. Kaneki had maneged to convince everyone to write this all down.

The black and white system

Current alter count including host: six

Haruto, protector and trauma holder.

Age: age slides between fifteen and nineteen, other then that they do not age

Pronouns: he/him

Identity: Cisgender male

Sexuality: straight

Ethnicity: East Asian

Nationality: Japanese

Incredibly stern and serious. Super determined to protect Kaneki. Forced him to watch child’s play and now Kaneki’s obsessed with the series so their room is filled with merch.

Is not fun to be around when they have not gotten their coffee. (Grim learned this the hard way)

Faceclaim: kohei takabatake

Triggers: high stress, danger, lack of sleep, hearing either parents name or discussions of marvel (he loves it), any sexual situations

Yua, caretaker.

Age: 43/44, age goes up once every two years and has done that since she formed when Kaneki was eleven.

Pronouns: she/her

Identity: cisgender female

Sexuality: lesbian

Ethnicity: East Asian

Nationality: Japanese

Sweet and calm. Very patient and polite. But suffers from depression. She’s a proper mum and loves all her boys. But she’s not very good at telling them off.

Faceclaim: masako mitzutani

Triggers: when the body is hurt, Kaneki needs a break, hearing her name or when someone close to the system is hurt

Kisho, little and trauma holder.

Age: 8 (does not age)

Pronouns: he/him

Identity: cisgender male

Sexuality: N/A

Ethnicity: East Asian

Nationality: Japanese

Excitable kid, but suffers from PTSD due to them being a violent physical trauma holder. Very extroverted and likes to boast about being a Japanese literature wiz.

Faceclaim: doesn’t have one. But he is blond and short for his age.

Triggers: cartoons, the phrase “ill give you something to cry about” or any verbal threats

Grim, unique/undisclosed role (suspected gatekeeper)

Age: has no set age, but is incredibly old

Pronouns: they/them

Identity: AMAB non binary

Sexuality: asexual, biromantic

Ethnicity: White

Nationality: American

Notes: Grim is literally the grim reaper and is currently the system’s only non-human alter despite looking human. They’re incredibly closed off and snappy. But when they get close to you you learn that deep down they just need some reassurance and to feel needed. Also is a bit of a softy but they’ll never admit that.

Faceclaim: non.

Triggers: any in-depth conversations of death, if you try to piss them off in a non friendly way they are not afraid to punch you, conversations with their therapist.

Hoshi, role unknown.

Age: N/A

Pronouns: they/them

Identity: N/A

Sexuality: N/A

Ethnicity: East Asian

Nationality: Japanese

Quiet and reserved but also cold. Not much else is know. (Note from Yua. Kisho needs more friends. If you don’t mind and are his age, please play with him!)

Faceclaim: non

Triggers: non/ non so far.

Kaneki, Host.

Age: 17 (ages normally)

Pronouns: he/him

Identity: cisgender male

Sexuality: bisexual

Ethnicity: East Asian

Nationality: Japanese

Very nervous and has a naturally self deprecating sense of humor. Apologizes a lot but is incredibly kind and caring. Deeply afraid of being alone (well you’re never getting a moment of peace with us, so cheer up! :D -Yua)

Faceclaim: the body

Triggers: anything child’s play related, horror novels, any talks of sen takastuki, when Hide is around, when one of his friends is emotionally hurt.

Each section excluding Yua’s notes were written by the alter in question in third person.

This, this was helpful. And for the first time in years Kaneki finally thought his life could start to get back on track...

And then a woman named Rize Kamishiro came along.


	2. Yua becomes Hide’s mum

  
Haruto had been fronting all day. Hide had remarked that something was off about Kaneki yet Haruto blew him off as ‘paranoid’. Hideyoshi didn’t like that. Kaneki didn’t say shit like that. Ever. “Dude. You um...” they stopped in there tracks as the summer sun began setting while they were walking home. “ **You are Kaneki ken aren’t you**?”

Dead silence.

Yua immediately sprinted to the front to go co-con. “What? What’s that supposed to mean?” Haruto gave a nervous laugh in a vain attempt to Imamate the host. Hide’s eyes went dark. “I can tell my best friend from an imposter, asshole. What did you do to him?” His tone was serious, but his expression suggested something threatening was going to happen if Hide didn’t get answers soon. “ _Don’t_.” Was all Haruto demanded to yua. He could feel her worry and the last thing they needed was to switch right now.“Well, I’m kinda busy so I’ll see ya later?” Haruto began to walk away until Hide grabbed his arm. Without missing a beat the alter grabbed his hand hard and pushed him out the way. “Since when have I ever said you can touch u- me?” Now it was his turn to be scary. Hide, shocked, took a step back. “You- what? You really aren’t kaneki.” He stammered. The alter rubbed the body’s arm in awkwardness and sighed. “Think what you want but there’s a lot of shit I don’t want you knowing. Just cause you’re his friend doesn’t mean I trust you.” Grim was there now “ _are you serious? Telling him like this_?!” “ _Maybe it’s time we_ -“ Yua began, but grim cut her off “ _no. No this is supposed to be secret! What will people think_!” “He?” “Kaneki” Haruto confirmed. “You’re right, I’m not him. But this isn’t some ‘invasion of the body snatchers’. Bullshit ok?” Hide, completely lost, nodded. Because he knew his best friend’s face was talking to him and for him, that was enough to know when to shut up and listen. The two -or more- ended up walking silently back to Kaneki’s house and locking the door behind them. The alter stuck his hand out to Hide. After a second of confused and awkward silence, Kaneki’s body rolled their eyes. “I’m officially meeting you dumbass. Shake my hand?” Surprisingly Hide picked up on the sincerity in their voice and nodded before shaking their hand. “ **My name is Haruto**. And I share a body with Kaneki.”

“Dude, not fucking funny.” Was Hide’s response. “Do I look like I’m fucking laughing blondie?” He glared. “Wait, for real? So...you’re definitely not Kaneki?” He asked for reassurance. Kaneki- no, haruto nodded. “Just happen to live up here with him.” He said pointing to his head with a smirk. Shutting his eyes he felt the room spin. Crap. He was dissociating. “Woah there...Haruto? You’re kinda dizzy, you should probably sit down.” The blonde offered. Haruto obliged sitting in the nearest chair. After about a minute, haruto- no, someone else looked up at him, confused. “...Kaneki?” A quick shake of the head told him otherwise. “Sorry honey, Haruto can be a pain in the arse. I’m Yua” he- they- she? Said sticking out her arm for a handshake. “There’s more of you guys? Jeez how many?” Hide asked curiously. “We’ve counted six including me and Kaneki, but one never comes out.” Hide nodded. “How...is this possible? This is so cool! It’s like six friends in one!” He exclaimed. Yua gave him a sad smile. “It’s actually not so fun how we got this way, though.” She added causing the teenager to immediately settle down. “Can I ask...what happened?” She sighed. “Have you ever heard of an illness called dissociative identity disorder, or D.I.D?” She queried. Hide thought for a second before shaking his head. “It’s a mental illness. We have it. It’s caused by extreme trauma that happens to a child under the age of nine. Such as repeated rape or forced starvation or something like that. Kaneki...he experienced very similar things when he was aged five to seven. Kisho and haruto hold the memories of it.” She explained. Hide’s mouth was open with shock. “Please don’t ask him, or any of us to go into detail.” She asked. He nodded. “Fuck man, I had no idea...how did I not know?” Hide began to get tearful. Yua cupped his face. “Sweetheart, it’s ok. We only found out last month.” She smiled sweetly. “Few things. We’re all people. Not personalities. Call us alters please. Second, do some research. Don’t be scared to get things wrong. We can correct you. Thirdly, ask us who’s out if you can’t tell. And finally, don’t tell people. I’m only trusting you with this information because you’ve been a great friend to kaneki. Consider this a thank you” hide nodded.

“Thanks...miss?” he chuckled and she laughed too. “Miss is right. Alters can be human, non human, male, female, non binary, gender fluid, old, young, really really old.” She smiled. “I get the interest darling. It’s a fascinating disorder. But make no mistake, it’s not something to be taken lightly. We aren’t all just ‘part of kaneki’” she said while air quoting with her fingers. “We’re our own people. So please treat us as such” she once again smiled in a way hide had never seen kaneki do. A way that was how a mother looks at a child when they get a gold star from their spelling bee. Hide could tell that she was much older than him. It still felt weird seeing a completely different type of kindness in his best friend’s .... bodie’s .... eyes. “What do you um...look like Yua?” He asked hoping it wouldn’t come off as offensive. Her eyes lit up at this. “Ever heard of Masako Mitzutani? I look like her except with green eyes. And I’m not as slim.” Hide swallowed. He hadn’t realized until now that he’d started to cry. “Sweet- I mean, Hide what’s the matter my love?” She placed her hand on his back and rubbed it just the way his mother did when he used to get sick. It was bizarre to the blonde that this person wasn’t Kaneki. But at the same time they weren’t scary either. Haruto was defensive and closed off, but Hideyoshi knew so many guys at his work that would hit you even for talking to them. No one sounded threatening. They were all just...normal people. “It’s fine,” he laughed. “I’m fine I mean. Just...is Kaneki struggling with the trauma? Shit, I’ve known the guy for years and I usually know these things before he tells me. This? He went through all this shit and all I knew was that his mom was a bitch.” He wiped his eyes. “I don’t know too much either. Only some of us know the trauma and I only know one thing because I was co conscious at the time Haruto saw her body. But you’re right sweetie. His mom was a b.i.t.c.h” she spelt out. ‘Old fashioned much?’ He smiled.

Yua then launched into an explanation of D.I.D.   
  


When he wasn’t getting it, she got out a notebook and a pen and wrote down the terms.

**Alters/headmates: Kisho (8) he/him, Haruto (15-19) he/him, Yua (42-43) she/her, Kaneki (17) he/him, Hoshi (?) they/them, Grim (?/ very old) they/them.**

**Alters is the official name for the people that live in the bodie’s head.**

**kaneki fronts from 7:00 am to 8:30 pm on average five days a week. But this can change.**

**Always ask who’s ‘fronting’ (using the body) if you’re not sure.  
**

**Do not ask about our trauma if we don’t first bring it up.  
  
Do not try to trigger us on purpose.**

  
She then handed Hide a sheet of paper. “Here,” she began “this is some information on all of us. You’re a pretty smart kid so you’ve probably picked up on who’s who without even realizing it.” He gingerly took the sheet of A4 and zipped it up in his grey and green backpack. 

  
a full year later is when _it_ happened. When she bit him. When she almost killed him. It had been Haruto fronting at least. Waking up in hospital, the first feeling that all of them had was nausea. They were blended but had decided to pretend to be Kaneki for convenience sake. “Ah, you’re up!” They nodded. “We- I’m alive?” The nurse smiled sadly. “Unfortunately Miss Kamishiro didn’t make it. We had to do a- oh! Doctor! He’s awake!” An old Grey haired man walked in wearing a white lab coat and holding a clip board. “Kaneki ken?” They nodded once more.   
“Good to see you up.“

the discharge from the hospital ended with them all going straight home, not stopping thinking about the possible reasons for why the food was so awful, why the body rejected it so heavily. ‘ _Its hospital food idiots’_ Grim moaned. ‘ _It’s gonna taste like trash. I don’t know why we physically can’t keep it down but it’s probably because Haruto didn’t do jack shit while fronting’_ “shut the fuck up grim!” He angrily sneered under his breath outloud. “Ok that’s it. I’m fronting! Please just, everyone shut up!” Kaneki complained. It was an awkward and uncomfortably silent walk home.

’ _well you see here, Ghouls cannot digest human food. Something to do with the enzymes on their tongue and the PH levels of their stomach.’_ The tv droned on. ‘ _Its important to remember that eating too much human food can actually kill a ghoul. Human flesh seems to be the only thing that satiates their hunger which, if left too long, can cause them to lash out uncontrollably.’_ “wait... you don’t think the doctor would of...” Kaneki realized non of the other alters were responding. They were probably busy. Without a second thought he rushed to the kitchen and began trying to eat. But everything, and I mean everything was disgusting. And yet he was hungry. ‘ _Sweetheart, you need to calm down ok?’_ Yua attempted to plead with the host. But he didn’t let her. He turned around to face his mirror. And then screamed. His eye was...it was a ghouls eye. “This can’t be fucking happening...” he said in complete and utter disbelief. “WHY IS THIS FUCKING HAPPENING!” He began to feel dizzy. Haruto was there. But Kaneki shook him off. He punched his mirror so hard it broke. But...his strength. Waving Haruto and Yua off he began to take a walk outside and look for something edible. He could smell something delicious. Realizing his pace had quickened he began to slow down. “Why am I acting like this?” He said, distressed. But he was so close. Running through some trash cans and knocking them over he stopped dead in his tracks when he realized what he was smelling. “No...” he whispered, his eyes becoming tearful. That was enough for the ghoul eating the corps to turn around, only to see a small, scrawny boy with only one kagun activated, black hair and paper white skin. “Hey, it’s ok. I’m not here to hurt you” the ghoul smiled sweetly. “You look hungry. I can’t really share because I haven’t eaten in days but here,” he paused and ripped of the bloodied, broken arm of the human corpse. “I can give you this much.” Kaneki’s arm reached out on its own, without the help from any alters. Longing for the flesh. Craving it. But in almost a second, the head of the kind ghoul came rolling off his shoulders with a sickening crack and a spirt of blood from the stump that once was his neck. Kaneki fell in shock, staring up at a dirty blonde who’d just killed the person in front of him.   
  


“who the fuck said you could come on my turf...hmm?” He said seemingly just noticing Kaneki was there. “Your eye...that looks nasty. What are you, eighteen, nineteen?” He sucked the air through his teeth “bad move kid.” In a blink of an eye he rushed forward and held his throat tight. Kaneki couldn’t breath and began to dissociate. The man threatening him was probably trying to talk to him, but this whole situation was way too dangerous for anyone to want to deal with it. But they all knew one thing- Kaneki and Kisho needed to be protected. There was now a woman staring down at them, about their age. “Hey...how did she not eat you?” She questioned with a mix of fascination and confusion all while sporting a horrified expression. “I...I survived. Hold on, I need a minute.” He gripped his head as he began to slip away. “That scare you that much, fucking weakling?” She taunted earning a glare from the body. “It’s a medical condition.” While technically true, he really didn’t have time to tell a stranger about his history of sever mental illness. “Oh...shit. Sorry I guess. Here, eating will make you feel better.” She handed him the arm while it was dripping in blood. Kaneki/haruto cringed. “What? I’m not eating that!” They exclaimed. “What’s wrong with it? Want it on a silver platter or something?” She said smirking. But no laugh was given back. “I’m not a monster! I’m not a ghoul I’m human! We don’t...fuck, we don’t eat our own!” He almost screamed. She was getting impatient now. “Monster? Dude, I hate to break it to you but you’re a ‘monster’ two. Look at your Goddamn eye”. The blended alters covered their eye. “No. I’m not eating it. What kind of fucker would do that!” He was crying now. It was mainly Kaneki talking. Touka looked at him with anger and confusion. “If you won’t eat...then I’ll make you.” She began. Haruto now took over, but it was too late as the flesh was shoved down his throat.

  



	3. Who the fuck are you?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !Read the note please!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware that this chapter has implications of kaneki’s sexual trauma that Haruto experienced the latter half of. It’s told from Haru’s perspective in the form of a flashback and it could be triggering to some readers. Please, please do not read if you are sensitive to such issues.

Immediately Haruto spat out the flesh. Everyone was screaming different things at him, telling him to run or to fight or to try and diffuse the situation. He decided fighting someone clearly much stronger than he was was not the best option and would only cause unnecessary harm to the body. But he was stubborn and was not about to run.

“Look, can you try and see things from my perspective, you bitch?” He said sneering at her. He felt Yua cringed at that as he realized that insults perhaps weren’t the best way to go. “Call me that one more time and I’ll shove my foot down your throat. And what do you mean ‘your perspective’? You’re a ghoul, act like it!”

  
He glared at her. “I’m human. I don’t know what you think I am but I’m one thousand percent human last I checked. Not a monster like you- ack!” He was cut off with a swift punch to the face. Then came a kick to the stomach. Blood rising in his throat as he was cut off by coughing. “Stop!” He exclaimed in sheer panic. “Fucking stop. I don’t know what’s going on and you’re scaring them- I mean, you’re scaring me. Please, I’m sorry just...” he sank to the ground. “This is a lot.” She glared down at him, her Kagun gleaming in the moonlight. “What...are you?” He looked at her and...didn’t have an answer. What had happened to him? What did the doctor do to him? 

“Touka. What are you doing?” Came the voice of an old man. The woman turned around. “Boss. This little shit’s convinced he’s human but...he can’t be. Look at his eye!” she exclaimed. The old man’s face twisted in disappointment. “What are our rules here?” He demanded. “But sir-“ she began. “What. Are our rules?” She sighed “no violence in the store, use only corpse meat and...” she stopped to stare at Haruto. “Help any ghoul who needs it.” The old man smiled. “Whether or not he is part human, or is having a hard time adjusting to his new life. No matter his views as long as he is not here to cause harm he is welcome.” The man extended a hand to the angry and terrified boy. “I’m Yoshimura, that over there is Touka.” He said while pointing to the woman who saved, then attacked him. “Come inside, we’ll get you some coffee and before you ask, that’s one thing ghouls can drink.” Haruto felt relieved. Grabbing his hand he pulled himself up and brushed himself off. “I’m Kaneki ken” he lied. “It’s good to meet you, Kaneki.”

The coffee was so tasty. It was so nice to eat something that didn’t taste like actual garbage. “Thanks...I guess” Haruto commented passive aggressively, still not trusting the apparently kind old man. Touka glared at him. “That all you gotta say dumbass?” Yoshimura grabbed Haruto’s arm to stop him from standing up. “Touka.” He warned. She rolled her one visible eye, the other being covered by purple hair cut into a long pixie cut. She huffed in annoyance. “We have flesh. You’re going to need to eat it-“ “no way!” He insisted. Yoshimura was an unbelievably patient person. His carefully catered attitude was that of a father talking to a child who refused to eat their greens. Only, this was a lot more serious then that. “If you don’t, you can and will lose control and lash out. We kill no one for our food, it’s all corpses we find.” He said attempting to reassure the boy sat in front of him. It didn’t work. Haruto’s eyes spilled over with tears as he swallowed the lump in his throat. He glared up at Yoshimura. “I know you don’t understand. You can’t understand. But to eat one of my own...or I guess what used to be one of my own...it’s too much.”He balled his fists. Yoshimura gently placed a hand on the alter’s shoulder. “Let me give you some. Just a little!” He added quickly. “You can eat it in your own time, but you’ll need to eat it Kaneki. Otherwise you may end up doing something you’ll regret.” That one sentence put the fear of God into both Haruto, and Yua who was close by. She wasn’t quite co-conscious, but because of the damage the body had taken she was ready to front whenever they had a minute alone. The old man had left to the back room and returned to the front of the café with a small, paper, brown, and delicious smelling package. “Here.” He began. “This is from a corpse. No one was harmed, and it’s absolutely ok to eat.” Haruto reluctantly took the package with a nod. This was going to be one hell of an adjustment. Walking out of anteiku Haruto had a heavy feeling in his chest. He stared at the brown package with anticipation and hunger. Half tempted to dive right and half wanting to throw it in a ditch.

_“Go on...eat it._ ” Haruto stopped dead in his tracks. Who the fuck was that? “ _You don’t know me, I’ve only been around for about a week. But I’m hungry. If you’re gonna start starving yourself then the body will die and personally, I like living~_ ” it was a woman’s voice, she was teasing him like an old friend. He recognized it from somewhere. “We can’t...it’s human meat are you fucking-“ he trailed off. “who are you?” He could tell she was smiling at him. “ _You’ve seen me before, Haruto._..” he sighed. So she was a factive, huh? “Great. Just, let’s talk about this later” he responded. Back at their house, haruto decided today was just too much. “Who are you?” He asked cautiously _“I’m Rize. Rize Kamishiro._ ” She responded. The bodie’s heart skipped a beat. This didn’t make sense.

Why the hell did they split off into an alter that was based around an attacker?! It made no sense. “ _I’m not here to hurt you, dumbass. I’m here for myself and for kaneki. He’s going to need to eat and you pussies are too afraid to man up and do it. And I eat a lot_.” She said snickering. Haruto rolled his eyes. “ _We’re starving, let me just take a bite._ ” She pleaded. “No.” He said putting his foot down. But he could tell they all wanted too, even him but especially Rize and Kaneki. A full week of not eating would do that. Haruto swallowed. “Just...one bite?” He said uncharacteristically nervous. “ _Breath. I’ll help you. You’ve been protecting everyone all alone, for years now. So let me help ok_?” He didn’t expect her to sound so sweet, so comforting. Her voice was like honey and silk. “ _Ghouls aren’t evil. At least, most of us aren’t._ ”

Could he really believe that? I mean, if no one was killed...did anything bad even happen? Or is it disrespectful to the family of the loss? These questions were running round his mind at a mile a minute. “ _Unless it’s a life or death situation obviously I wouldn’t hurt anyone. And this...this human is dead._ ” That’s right. They weren’t killing anyone or hurting anyone. Non of them would do that, and it didn’t look like Rize would either. “ _We didn’t kill them, the old man didn’t kill them, they died naturally or of their own accord_.” She finished in an attempt to reassure Haruto. It was working, to. No one murdered this innocent person. And was this person even good? Did they even have a family? If it was him who had died, with only one person close to the system and no close family, a mentally ill teen with serious identity issues and a wicked temper... would he even want to be found? The meat dripped with delicious thick crimson. Raw, fresh and waiting for him. His stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten in an entire week. “I’m...I’m not a bad person.” He attempted to say through a shakey voice. Tears rolling down his cheeks. Without even thinking he took a big, juicy bite. Chewing only four times before swallowing. It glided accorss his tastebuds like butter, with savory juices overtaking his senses. Salty, sour and savory sensations all at once the whole time being better than the best fillet steak he’d ever had the pleasure of eating. “ _You did so well._ ” Rize praised after he took his second bite. “ _There are children who are ghouls, innocents who have never and never will kill people. You- we could be those types of ghouls_.” That sounded nice. That sounded peaceful at that made Haruto, for the second time in his life, cry.

**!SEXUAL ASSULT TW!**

_He’d cried once when he’d first come into existence. Oh how he had sobbed until it hurt. “You’ll be good for your father right?” A wicked smile disguised as sincerity was all he could see as the man dug his nails into the bodie’s arm. “You’re hurting me!” He placed his finger on the boys lips. “Don’t cry, it’ll only make me feel bad. Do you want me to feel bad you worthless brat?”_

**!SEXUAL ASSULT TW!**

Sobbing quietly was something Haruto was not used to, but it was however something that he needed.


	4. Super short filler.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read the end note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a super short filler with a very important note at the end!

All the system knew about Nishio was that he had his head so far up his ass that they wondered if he could help it, or if he just liked smelling his own shit. Kaneki had came to college after two weeks of adjusting to his new ghoul...well, at least his no longer completely human life. And Hide was pissed. The only major change was his eyepatch that covered his kagun. “KANEKI KEN, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!” He heard Hideyoshi scream as he sprinted over to the black haired boy, wrapping his arms around him in a bone crunching hug. “Hey- Hide-” he choked out. Dropping the 120lb underweight boy from his death grip he turned to face him. “I have missed all of you so fucking much dude. God college is boring! I do have notes if ya need them!” He grinned waving a piece of off yellow paper in-front of his friend’s face. Kaneki laughed. “Oh first! Nishiki wanted me to help find his memory stick. Wanna come?” Kaneki’s heart stopped for a second as he remembered last week. The hair, the glasses. That attacker that Touka beat the shit out of, that was Nishio...

Oh fuck.

“Yes!” He said hastily, suspiciously loud for how Ken usually spoke. ‘ _No way am I letting a ghoul near him_.’ He thought. ‘ _Hey_!’ Rize remarked in offence. He rolled his eyes. Noting this, Hide began to feel awkward. “You Umm, don’t have to?” “No, no! I want to. Sorry, someone just made a weird comment.” He half lied. Hide’s eyes lit up. He’ddone some research and needless to say he’d become both fascinated, and deeply upset with the mental illness of D.I.D. Fascinated by the way that people can protect themselves, the concept of alters and the inner worlds that form, and upset by the reasons they were formed. “I see. tell them I said hi alright?” Kaneki laughed and nodded. The two walked off together in the afternoon sun on their way to Nishio’s dorm. The walk wasn’t long and only took a few minutes. However it wasn’t very peaceful after Hide noticed something. Stopping dead in his tracks he started to talk. “Have you guys been eating? It’s not good to stay hungry.” There was a moment of silence before the two began walking again. “He’s good. I’d watch out if I were you” the purple haired ghoul warned. Kaneki hated that Rize was right. Approaching the dorm Hide was the first to stop as they both heard moaning inside. Confused, he gently turned the knob only to find a rather...M rated make out scene. Including tongue, spit and the button and zip undone on his girlfriend’s skirt. After that rather awkward encounter with him and his girlfriend, and her promptly running away in embarrassment, the two boys entered Nishio’s room. The first thing Kaneki noticed, and most likely Nishiki did too, was the smell. They could almost taste each other and they recognized each other just from that. “Jesus, would it kill you two to knock?” Nishiki commented, pissed. “Sorry, but you never locked the door dude.” Hide said smirking. “So...what’s her name ey?” Nishiki rolled his eyes. “Kimi, and I wouldn’t have needed to if you two idiots had just knocked. Christ.” Kaneki would have laughed, but found himself instinctively backing away from Nishiki. If that night had taught him anything, it was that ghouls could be very territorial. He guessed he wouldn’t just let the encounter go that easily as it involved the eighteen year old being choked by the twenty year old.

And he was correct.

After a long walk later a fight broke out between the two. Hide was flung to the side as Kaneki was impaled by Nishiki’s kagune. Battered and bruised yet determined to defend his best friend, the half exhausted Kaneki used the last of his strength to unleash his own kagune and brutally attack the ghoul hurting Hideyoshi. Blood sprayed all over the walls, coating them in a layer of thick crimson. The smell almost unbearably good. But exhausted and deliriously hungry, Rize jumped to the front of his mind. “ _He smells good right?_ ” She taunted. “ _Just one bite. Maybe from his leg. Get him straight to the hospital and he’ll be fine. Or maybe leave him until he bleeds out_?”

“No. I love Hide. I won’t do that!” He exclaimed in defiance. “ _I know you won’t idiot. But do you realize that that one morsel of flesh wasn’t nearly enough to sustain us_?” Kaneki went silent. He heard Rize sigh. “ _You won’t hurt him. I won’t. But if you’re going to hurt yourself, I’ll do everything to stop you._ ” Kaneki dropped to the floor. In his half starved state, he saw a fiery red and orange in the corner of his eye. Then, he collapsed and it all went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys happy with the direction the story is going in? I feel like it’s too derivative to be any good. I love the idea and want to run with it but I’m unsure if I want to just do this as the whole au. What do you guys think? I’ll take any suggestions including crossovers. It’ll be serious and still aim to handle the disorder as accurately as humanly possible but I don’t want to just basically rewrite Tokyo ghoul.  
> Comment to tell me your ideas


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